2013 in no particular order

I quit my job at Cedars and studied full time for the MCAT. I started teaching Yoga. I took the MCAT. I went on vacation to Zion, Havasu, Dallas, Houston, Austin, Big Sur, Portland, Bishop, then Dallas and Houston again. I watched Ted and Tina get married. I went to Vegas for the first time and then four more times after that: twice as a touch and go, twice to party, and once for Interbike. I practiced yoga. I applied to 18 medical schools. I got a job at UCLA doing the same old thing and I got a key to Bikerowave. I watched the modern production of The Magic Flute in LA. I backpacked for the first time in Havasu with the Sunnyvale crew, then three more times after that in Big Sur with Dan, the Angeles National Forest by myself and finally outside Bishop with Brandon and Eric. I started rock climbing. I worked on my Spanish. I chopped wood in Joshua Tree. I saw the Grand Canyon for the first time. I rekindled a friendship with Rose. I rekindled my friendship with alcohol. Chelsea got engaged. Linh came to visit me and we ran the Disney Half with Jimmy. Derek moved back to Chicago. Heather got engaged. Emily visited LA. I stood up for myself. Brandon taught me how to skateboard. Kevin got engaged and then married. Stephanie bought a house. I met and became good friends with Jeremy, Danny, and Leigh. Pattie visited LA. Another Stephanie visited LA. Sheree and I went to the San Diego Zoo. Steven, Jaci, Junior and I hiked a part of the PCH. Chris visited LA. Leigh became my roommate for a short while. Steven threw parties: dinner parties, board game parties, drinking parties. Genevieve and Arch moved in together. Jason got engaged. Jesse sent me a Kindle and I read a lot of books. I volunteered at the hospital. I assisted at Yogis. I bought an orange computer, and Chelsea gave me orange sunglasses. Derek was going to propose but broke up instead. I met Eduardo’s friends at the LA Gay Pride Parade. Gina and Peter got engaged. I saw Tiesto, Kaskade, ATB, Above & Beyond, Deadmau5, Katy Perry, Tegan and Sara, Ellie Goulding, Casey Musgraves, Vienna Teng, Luke Bryan, Tim McGraw, Foxes and Sara Barellis on stage. I took my family to see the Nutcracker in Houston. I rode my bike to eat seafood for my birthday and then to breakfast a lot of times. Steven and I ran a lot and ate a lot of food. I restarted a friendship with John. I bought an orange knife. I watched 3 seasons of Game of Thrones in a week. Then I watched 3 seasons of How I Met Your Mother in a week. I clocked an avg of 17mph for 18 miles at the Malibu Relay Tri. I got 6 medical school rejections. I fell for a guy then had to come out of it. Pattie got engaged. Then I met someone else. I reunited with Caitlin, Theresa and Chels. I practiced yoga. Carol moved to LA. I rode my bike all over town. Arch cut my hair. Steven and I were in a car crash. Jesse took me biking in the south bay. I got sick for the first time in a year and spent all day in bed watching and finishing Sword Art Online. Derek visited LA. I volunteered at a free clinic in Mexico. Alvis graduated from Irvine. Danny visited LA. Piper treated me to Café Gratitude. I went to Oakland to take Rose to the airport. I went running. Genevieve helped me with my Spanish. Linh taught me about the Five Languages of Love. My brothers and I went to Dallas. I danced. I laughed. I cried.

This year was filled with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. A lot of people got engaged. I feel like I was building, building, building towards something but it’s not here yet. 

Home

I went home to Houston for about a week and now I'm back home in LA to start the new year here. Last year I spent almost 2 weeks in Houston for Christmas and by the end I was really ready to come back to LA and my life here. This time I didn't really want to leave Texas. This past year was hard in a lot of different ways and I just wanted to be in a place that I knew I would be happy. It was comfortable and I didn't feel like I had to be in my head a lot. Last year it felt like I was coming home. But this year it felt like I was leaving home. It's hard because I've made a life for myself in LA, but my life in Houston is still there. Some days I think I can't move back, and some days I think I will end up back there. Who knows? There's still so much life left to live. 

Las Cucarachas

La semana pasada enseñé una clase de yoga muy atípica. Mi estudiante, Geetesh, trajo a un amigo que necesitaba audífonos para oír. Entonces tuve dos estudiantes que no podían oír bien y tengo un voz muy suave. Siempre me olvidaba de usar una voz fuerte. El nuevo estudiante se llamaba Sammy y él nunca había  hecho yoga. Fue muy buena práctica para mi porque hábia sido un año desde que enseñé A un estudiante que nunca había hecho yoga. 

Al principio los estudiantes me siguieron bien pero a mitad de la clase una señora y su hija pequeña entraron. Su hija tenía unos cinco años Y ella se mantenía tranquila por diez minutos. Después de diez minutos ella decidío que no quise hacer yoga y empezó a jugar cerca de su mama, en el espacio entre la ventana y la puerta. Fue muy mono pero distraía uno poco porque ella echaba una ojeada a su mamá a veces. 

¡De pronto, una cucaracha! La cucaracha estaba enfrente de la señora y ella gritó - ¡Cucaracha! Ella estuvo riendo y gritando - !Cucaracha, cucaracha, cucaracha! Estuve riendo tambien y Brandon se levantó de su pose para coger la cucaracha. Cinco minutos más tarde una otra cucaracha aparecío encima de un bloque. Recogí el bloque con la cucaracha y se quitó de encima después de un rato afuera. ¡Ay! 

Fue una clase muy atípica, divertida y un poco estresante. Pero en días como esa, hay que mantenerse en los dedos de los pies. 

Words

You know that saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" ? As kids we used to hear that all the time as encouragement to not take mean words to heart. An effort to reduce negative reactions to bullying and kids being kids. But I never figured out how to not let words hurt me. Instead I would just turn off the sad emotion altogether. Eventually I found Yoga and that helped me learn to let go of hurtful words. But if you say something meaningful or hurtful to me, I will probably never forget how it made me feel.

This year Linh introduced to me the theory of 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.In short, there are 5 ways people express and receive love: Physical Touch, Word of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Gifts, and Quality Time. Everyone places value on each way differently. For instance you might really value when someone does something for you. Another person might get more happiness from receiving a gift rather than if you did something for them. So in learning about this theory and trying to get to know myself and what I value, I've realized that I place a lot of value on what people say to me. If someone tells me I did something wrong, then I will feel horrible. My friend Gen always says she wants to see me and I feel really warm and fuzzy when she says so. However I'm pretty bad at expressing words of affirmation back to people. Chapman says that people don't always give love the same way they want to receive love and that is true for me. I would rather cook them dinner or help them with something.

I've tried to pay attention to how others give and receive love. Gen likes to give love through words, Sheree doesn't place much value on hugs or touch, Arch hates gifts and would rather you hang out with him. I think that knowing yourself is key to being able to live and work with others. Everyone is unique and knowing how to take care of yourself will ensure your own happiness. Here's to the search for happiness.

Escape to Lake Genevieve and Mount Baldwin

Escape! Sometimes you just need to get away, change your environment, do something new in order to move forward. What I'm finding out is that in California, a weekend trip can be like a mini vacation. Last Saturday morning Brandon, Eric, and I jumped in the car at 5am and drove up to the Inyo National Park, strapped our packs on and were hiking by 11am.

The route was a 6 mile hike into Lake Genevieve with 2000ft of elevation gain. This hike was hard. We started at 8000ft and ended up just around 10,000ft. I definitely felt the thinner air and with the extra weight on my back the last mile was tough. But the sights and sounds were gorgeous and peaceful. There was snow on the ground and the sun to warm you up. We got to Lake Genevieve as the sun was setting at about 530pm, set up camp and devoured a whole box of couscous with Indian Fares. I was exhausted, but managed to stay awake another hour while we set up our tent and cleaned up from dinner. The boys had the great idea of heating up water and filling our water bottles. My metal canteen was so nice and toasty in the 20 degree weather. For warmth the three of us crammed into a two person tent and I passed out pretty soon after.

Lake Genevieve

We all had an intermittently restful night sleeping shoulder to shoulder haha, but it wasn't the worst sleep I'd ever had in a tent. We rose with the sunrise and were out of camp by 715am, back out to lake Mildred by 830am and goofed around the lake. Brandon and Eric filled up our water bottles and then we stashed our backpacks by a camping spot so we could hike up Mount Baldwin.

The Sierras and Lake Mildred

I thought Saturday was long, but hiking Baldwin was worse. We probably got started around 10am, walked a quarter mile to the trail head and started our ~3000ft climb. This mountain was STEEP. I think we only covered 7-8 miles round trip, but it took us 5 hours to get to the top and 3 hours to come down because a lot of the trail was either covered in snow or covered in rocks. Eric and Brandon calmly bowled through everything, stamping down snow and scrambling up and down rocks to figure out where to go. We got lost a few times and had to back track, and at one point we were pretty much rock climbing.If I had been by myself I'd probably be dead, so I'm grateful they were there but it was a crazy experience for me. Part of me was like "oh ok, I'll follow" and another part of me was like "um...you're gonna die". I think I was too exhausted to really take in what I just did because that was pretty crazy. Brandon was pretty excited that we stomped all over that stupid mountain, but I think all I wanted to do was be in a place where I wouldn't have to hike anymore.

@ the top of Mt Baldwin

No dice. Once we made it back to our backpacks at 530pm, we had only eaten bars all day and had to hike the rest of the 5 miles out to Brandon's Suby. So yes, we hiked in the dark. Headlamps on, we got started just as the sun went down and the moon came out. Luckily it was all downhill, I slipped on a tree crossing the stream and then tripped on a rock, but we got to the car by 8pm. I think we were all exhausted and in pain by the time we got to the car. Eric and I ripped off the shoes and wanted to tear into the food, but Brandon rushed us into the car to try and catch dinner in Bishop before the restaurants all closed at 9pm. I think we crossed the town about 5 times before we found a place that was open, the Holy Smoke Texas Style BBQ. It was like home away from home. The staff and owner were so friendly I was reminded of what it's like to be in the south. The food was pretty good too, but no Rudy's BBQ. The next day I chilled while the boys bouldered around Bishop, then we had a delicious dinner at Whiskey Creek and drove home. All in all a hard but great weekend.

Love Stories

The easiest way to get people talking is to figure out what they care about. If they are married or have a family, then you hit the jackpot because parents or spouses who are really happy will not shut up about their loves. Hearing a couple's love story is always fun, inspiring, and makes me happy. Genuine love will always baffle and surprise me.

Lately I've been thinking about a conversation I had with my boss at UCLA. We were the only two people on a phone conference waiting for everyone else to join and he was working from home. His son made a babbling nosie and our conversation went kinda like this:

Me, "What's your sons name?"
"Ethan. Don't mind him, he's trying to eat the phone."
"And you're going to let him?!"
"Hahaha, no!"
(It was a Saturday. Yes. We had to work on Saturday)
"Is your wife home with you guys?"
"No, she's out. It's just us boys."
"How did you meet your wife?" I asked because meeting stories are just as good as falling in love stories.
"We met in high school. We've known each other for over 10 years."
"Oh! Wow thats a long time to be together."
"Actually we didn't get together until about three years ago."
      Whoa! These situtations are always so interesting to me because how do you suddenly change your mind and decide that you want to marry someone you've friend zoned for so long?
I asked, "So how did you know you should get married? Sorry if I'm prying."
He said, "Oh no you're not. I'm actually a pretty open person."
Then he paused a minute and told me,

"We accepted each other for who we were."

Joshua Trees

A Joshua Tree is like a cross between a palm tree and a cactus. Apparently they only grow in and around the national park and can't be found anywhere else in the world. I went camping in the Joshua Tree National Forest this past weekend with friends: Jason, Leng, Bo, Mihai, Albert, and Brandon. On the drive up I sampled my music for Albert and discovered that all my music is emo...not sure how I feel about this...kind of sad and mopey. haha. jk. I'm not that emo.

First stop was Integratron! Apparently this place has a high magnetic field so they built this dome thing in the middle of it and hold sound baths. They take large quarts bowls and play each of them to create this loud enveloping sound. You feel super relaxed and probably fall asleep. I didn't sleep, my body felt super relaxed and I was trying to relax my brain but if you know me my brain never stops. Anyway it was pretty cool. An hour and a half went by in what seemed like minutes. I would definitely go again. It was a great calming way to start a weekend.

After the sound bath, we went to set up camp. I hung up my hammock and we split wood. Aparently Californians don't know how to use a hammer, but I taught them how. Thanks dad for all those years of putting us to work when we were kids. We tried to fit in a quick hike to catch the sunset, but missed it by about 30 mins or so. We also missed the trail, but thats ok. We ended up hiking in the dark for about 2 miles which was pretty cool in my opinion, but I think others were less enthused by the not being able to see stuff. That night we had tacos and popcorn and hung out by the fire until well past midnight just talking. I slept in my hammock under the stars. I love the stars.

Sunday morn we had bacon and egg tacos cooked by Jason and Leng, then we drove into the park to scramble around on rocks and stuff. We goofed around, went to hike around Barker Dam, scrambled some more and then went to find some lunch. Brandon took us to a cafe called Crossroads where we pigged out and started to food coma. After that we bought some gear, went back to another part of the park and scrambled some more until we finally found some good rocks to hang out on while we waited for the sunset. The sun fell back behind the mountains really quickly, but it was nice. After that we headed back to camp to make dinner and eat some more. haha. We finished burning all the wood, cooked steaks, pineapple, spinach, brussel sprouts and baked some bananas with chocolate, marshmellow and grahamcrackers. Albert, Mihai, Brandon and I left that night so that we could avoid traffic the next day since we had to work half days at least.

It felt like a nice long weekend with lots of laughs and adventure. I can't wait until we go again.

Overachiever

These days I have this memory that keeps surfacing.

"We had our first lab post presentation and when I saw your poster I was like, who is this overachieving little asian?" - Jim

hahahaha. I think it's funny because I really didn't know what I was doing so I put a ton of random stuff that might have been relevant on my poster. But he had a point. I always try to do too many things at once. I probably put more effort than necessary into that poster and I try to multitask in a way that stretches myself thin. Even at work today I had so many emails going on about 5 different topics. My mind is constantly thinking 3 steps ahead, jumping from thought to thought. It got worse when I moved to LA. There's so much to do and so many people here that everyone is busy all the time. You have to make plans with people at least a week  in advance. It never seems like anyone is free at the last minute or even the day before. Rush rush, go go, don't stop. Maybe it's that people want to maintain that image that being busy means they're doing important things or that they are important or have a lot of friends. Probably all of the above. I guess I'm an overachiever in a city of overachievers. I told Leigh that because of this hustle bustle lifestyle I don't think I could ever raise a family in LA. So one day I will leave this city behind. Or who knows, maybe I'll decide that I don't want a family and keep trying to overachieve.

Anyway that's a tangent. I need to focus on one thing at a time. I'm starting to self sacrifice more and really prioritize wants and needs, which is hard after 4 years of indulging all my wants. So now I'm faced with this conundrum. I want to slow down...but will I be able to? And once I've slowed down...will I stay there?

Disneyland Half Marathon

Disneyland! Sunday morning I crawled out of bed at 4am to run the Disneyland Half with my cousin Jimmy and friend Linh. I dressed up as Tink and Linh was Snow White. Jimmy was amused but did not feel left out. Haha. Except for having to wake up crazy early the race was probably the most fun you could have while running 13 miles. The first 3 miles were through Disney and California Adventures. It was my first time there so it was pretty magical. There is nothing like it. I can't describe it, you kind of have to be there.

I tried to get as many photos with characters as possible, without having to wait to long or waste too much time. I got a picture with Hook, but didn't see my fav princess, Ariel. Oh well next time maybe. I wish the run hadn't been so crowded. 27,000 people did the run. But I guess that's what you get when you want to run inside the most magical place on Earth.

I thought I would hang up my running shoes after this, but maybe not. I feel pretty ok today and it was a pretty cool run. Who knows, I guess I won't rule out the idea if it comes up again. But no more full marathons. Hellz to the no.

Backpacking Solo

While reading LA mag's issue of The Best of LA, I came across a blurb talking about the Angeles National Forest. Intrigued I did more research, went to the information center and planned a one night backpacking trip.

Distance driven: West LA to Arcadia - 35 miles
The trail head was ~5 miles from Arcadia. That's nuts! It's literally in the backyard of LA.

I parked in Chantry Flats, proudly displayed my new, shiny annual parking pass on the rear view mirror and strapped on my pack. The trail was the Big Santa Anita Canyon Trail.

Pack contents: Tent (2 lbs), Sleeping bag (3 lbs), Sleeping pad (1 lb), Hammock (1 lb), Backpack (4 lbs), Misc stuff like first aid, glasses etc (3 lbs), Food (2 lbs), Water 2 Liters (4.5 lbs)
Total weight: Roughly 20 lbs.

Spruce Grove Camp

I hiked to Hermit Falls then double backed to Sturtevant Falls and Spruce Grove Camp. In total I covered about 5 miles from 12:30pm to 3:00pm and then thought about hiking some more for about 5 mins before deciding "no thanks". Despite being the middle of the week, there were plenty of people for the first 3 miles of my hike. Luckily it thinned out significantly about 4 miles in. Then when I was about 1/2 a mile away from camp I ran into a family. A FAMILY. Never in my life have I met a family of backpackers. Keep in mind that backpacking means that you carry all your stuff with you into your camp. There's no driving up to the camp site and then unloading your cast iron dutch oven. This camp was 4 miles from the parking lot and a total of 900 ft of elevation gain.

Also this family was Mom, Dad, and 3 kids aging from 6 yrs to 11 yrs old. So mom and dad were carrying majority of the gear. But when I saw them I thought to myself, "Wow there's hope for me and having a family that loves to do this sort of thing." I said hi too them, found out we were heading for the same camp ground and bid them adieu for now.

The family and I were the only ones at camp which made it nice. Probably the most secluded I've ever been in LA. I love the fact that you can do so much here, but sometimes the density can be overwhelming. Anyway I spent the rest of the day wandering around the campsite, reading in my hammock, napping in my hammock and trying to start a fire. After giving up on the fire I decided to crawl into my sleeping bag and read with my headlamp. That's when mom (Angie) came over to ask if I wanted to join her family for smores. Hell yes. I got to meet dad (Grant) and kids (Natalie, Mandy, and Ben). They were so friendly and welcoming I was really heartened. They were the kind of family that cuddles up when it's cold and tells stories around the campfire. The kids told me all the things they found and saw that day. I told them I was from Texas and am trying to start a new career. It's days like these that remind me why I love people.

LA is just beyond that mountain behind me

The next morning I got up around 730am, packed up, ate then said goodbye to the family of backpackers and headed out to a different trail that would take me back to my car. I hit Mt. Zion, a 3500ft peak and then headed back down through the Upper Winter Creek Trail. By 11am I was eating nuts and stripping off my hiking boots. I had half a liter of water left too. I think the whole trip took 24 hours.

Why did I go? Because I can. Because I wanted to explore LA. Because I wanted to try hiking by myself with all my gear. Because I wanted to be alone and without the internet for a little while. I spent a lot of time thinking and talking to myself. I read The Book of Secrets and Blink: The Power of Thinking without Thinking. Did I come to any amazing revelations? Not really, just better understanding of things I guess.

Gratitude

Thursday class at Heal One World was small. Only two of my regulars showed up. Actually I think it has been dwindling over the past month. I try not to think about the numbers because you never know whats going on in another persons life, so you can't expect people to always show up at your class. Taking it personally is kind of silly because it never has anything to do with you, but nevertheless you still feel a little sad that you don't get to see someone that week.

Anyway I put together a slow class and since there were only two I tried to really watch them and adjust or correct their movements. At the end of class I thanked them for coming and got to talking with Norma, a small hispanic woman who takes care of 3 boys and her hubby. She was telling me that the teacher on Fridays is crazy hard and that she'll run away if she sees her again. Haha. Norma started coming to my class (and I think one class a day) a few months ago because her doctor recommended it. At the end of class today she expressed all her changes and gratitude. She has no more back pain. She used to have to visit the doctor frequently for one thing or the other, but she doesn't have to go anymore. The most interesting thing she said was she doesn't get angry easily anymore. She's calmer and happier and feels better every day.

So that made me feel like if there were only one person in class every week, then it would still be worth it.

On Motivation

Do you ever go on a trip and when you get back you feel changed? Your perspective has widened or your ideas have turned a different direction. I took a week and drove up the PCH, hiked the Pine Ridge Trail, saw wild cormorants, and breathed the fresh Bay air. Somehow, someone, something along the trip gave me the motivation I have now to finish my medical school applications and work on the list of things I've been wanting to do. Before the trip, June for me was quite stagnant. I would stare at my personal essay and not write a word. I would wake up at 10am and read fiction until dinner time. I watched 2 seasons of Game of Thrones. Only small things in my life changed like getting a new crank set for Frankenstein or finally replacing the passport that I lost. I was bored, and I didn't know how to get out of the funk. 

Luckily Dan stopped by LA and he let me hop into his TDI Volkswagon for a spontaneous trip up the PCH. Funk discarded and self-reflection commenced. Four days on the road listening to metal will definitely hone your skills for tuning things out and spending time looking inward. Just kidding. I only did that 80% of the time. Anyway there was plenty of quiet time and talks about who we are and what we think that I started to unravel some parts of my life I previously tabled. Like religion. 

In San Jose I hung out with my Aunt for a whole day. Man is she a talker. But she definitely changed my perspective about who she is and what she’s doing with her life. She quit her job and went back to school because she wants a better life for herself. Proof that it’s never too late to change.

The whole week was about family and friends. There was plenty of time for long talks and just hanging out. I guess I don’t really get that in LA. But it’s funny how I feel that this trip changed me more than the last one to Havasu. Maybe it was the timing in my life or having more chill time to think or do nothing. Either way I'm different, and I've found some motivation. Thanks friends and family. 
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En español - gracias a Gen por su ayuda. =)
Alguna vez cuándo hayas vuelto de una vacación,  ¿sentiste cambiado? ¿Que tu perspectiva esté ampliada o tus ideas hayan girado hacia una dirección diferente? Tomé una semana para subir la costa pacífica por autopista. Durante el camino subí por Pine Ridge, vi cormoranes salvajes, y respiré el aire fresco del área de la bahía. De alguna manera, alguien, o algo del viaje me dio la motivación para terminar mis solicitudes para la Universidad Médica y para trabajar en la lista de cosas que quería hacer. Antes del viaje, el mes de junio fue un mes muy inactivo. Miraba fijamente a la redacción personal que tenía que escribir, y no escribía nada. Me despertaba a las diez de la mañana y leía ficción hasta la hora de la cena.  Miré dos temporadas de Game of Thrones. Pocas cosas en mi vida habían cambiado, por ejemplo compré bielas nuevas para Frankenstein o finalmente solicité el pasaporte que había perdido. Estaba aburrida y no sabía salir de la mala racha.  

Por suerte Dan pasó por Los Ángeles y me dejó ir consigo en el auto por el PCH. Durante cuatro días nosotros manejábamos por la costa. Tuve tiempo de pensar y reflejar sobre mi vida. Hablabamos sobre quiénes éramos y sobre como pensábamos. Empecé a desenredar partes de mi vida que había archivado. La religión, por ejemplo.

En San José pasé tiempo con mi tía Anna. ¡Ella hablaba mucho! Pero cambió mi punto de vista sobre quien era ella y qué está haciendo con su vida. Dejó su trabajo para volver a la escuela porque quería mejorar su vida. Una prueba que nunca es demasiado tarde para cambiar.

El resto de la semana estuve con familia y amigos. Tenía mucho tiempo para tener conversaciones largas y para pasar los ratos. Es interesante el sentir que esta vacación me cambió más que el último viaje que hice. Quizás fue el ritmo de mi vida o que estuve utilizando  mi tiempo para pensar o hacer nada. De cualquier manera soy diferente y he encontrado la motivación. Doy las gracias a mi familia y a mis amigos.   

My Relationship with Cycling

Needless to say for those of you that know me I have a lot of free time on my hands right now. In the past I would have spent all day working on getting stronger by going for a run, doing yoga, riding my bike, going to the gym, etc. But as of late I'm finding it hard to motivate myself to do those things with the intent to get stronger. A few weeks ago I rode 60 miles and I was really beat by the end. Last weekend I didn't even take my Pinarello down off the rack. In Houston I had the MS150. I had a whole host of friends who wanted to ride. I knew the regulars on the bike shop rides. Here I don't have that. I don't think I'm sad about it because there a lot of other things I'm working on that fill my time. I guess I just wanted to acknowledge it. I have changed. My goals have changed. My life has changed. I am different and cycling has taken a backseat to other things. Don't get me wrong I still love it. I will always love it, but I just think it's interesting how it has evolved.

I have a friend who is just getting into cycling and it reminds me of myself 4 years ago. Keen eyed, ready to devour all the details about bikes, envious of expensive components and lighter frames. But now none of that really matters to me. I'm considering fixing up my steel frame to be able to ride longer distances. I told him that I haven't ridden with a computer in over 2 years and he was shocked. I explained to him that the numbers stopped mattering to me. It doesn't matter how fast I'm going or how far I ride because every ride is different. It only matters now that I keep up, stay with my friends and enjoy myself. I will always love riding so the number of miles willl just keep piling on whether I count them or not. My speed and strength will ebb and flow with my lifestyle but I will always love riding. Nothing else matters. So I stopped thinking about the numbers.

And yes I think of it as a relationship with cycling or with my bike. I usually think of my bike as a person. They are a part of the trip, experience, ride. I think I mentioned that my steel bike is named Frankenstein. And I just picked a name for my Pinarello, Amico. Who knows maybe when I get all my ducks in a row I'll pick some new crazy ride to do and start training again. I got wind of a 140 mile ride to San Diego in July and I am tempted...

Zion then Havasu Falls

This month I went on a week long road/camp trip with my friends to Zion National Park and Havasu Falls. How many emotions did I feel on this trip? Almost all of them interestingly enough. But let's just recount events and enjoy photos.

We started with a lunch and grocery adventure in Las Vegas then headed out to Zion from there. There was plenty of car sleeping. We played Categories, and listened to Jesse's music. When we got there we pitched camp, had dinner, and planned the coming days. Day 2 was a hike to Angel's Landing. It's a 5 mile hike, but the elevation gain is ~1500ft so round trip took us about 5 hours. The last mile of the trip was through a rocky narrow path that required chains and lots of caution. People could fall pretty easily, but there were plenty of hand holds and safety chains to help. The view was excellent. Highlights: Huge ice creams, deer, sleeping in the hammock, and s'mores.

Zion

Day 3 was a hike 3 miles into the Narrows, which is basically a river that flows through a canyon. The canyon closes in which is why you call it the Narrows. The waters were about waste deep so we rented dry suits and went exploring. I've never done anything like it, but wow it was amazing to be surrounded by the canyon. The best part was when we turned around, blew up our dry suits and floated back down the river. Carla got video of us floating around. Can't wait to see it. Highlights: falling in the river, floating, watching Rose and Kian blow up their dry suits.

The Narrows

Day 4 was a driving adventure where we stopped at the Grand Canyon, ate some homemade chicken fried steak and got lost before getting to our lodge. Day 5 we woke early to hike into Havasupai. It was a 10 mile hike downhill, most of us carrying about 30lbs of extra weight into the canyon. I tried to let the weight and momentum carry me down most of the way but the last 3 miles were especially brutal on my feet. I'm impressed that everyone faired so well and had energy the next day to hike. Not to mention Brian who was definitely carrying 60-70lbs of weight. What a boss. Haha. We made camp next to a really beautiful part of the water and all jumped into the chilly stream to celebrate. Highlights: Havasu falls, hanging food in a tree, Cards Against Humanity.

Day 6 we all got up early and went exploring. No one thought we would be gone long, but we ended up finding a trail down to another waterfall that was way more trecherous than Angel's Landing. Then we followed a foot trail 3 miles to Beaver Falls. Luckily I wore my Vibrams so I could wade through the water all I wanted. Others didn't and we had to ferry people across the water from time to time. This one was probably my most favorite hike. I wish we brought food with us so we could have stayed out longer, but no one planned on hiking 6 miles round trip. Oh well. That's why it was an adventure right? Highlights: Jerry carrying Jesse across the river, yoga in the middle of Beaver Falls, chains and the climb down to the bottom of Mooney Falls.

Beaver Falls

Day 7 was also an early morning. We threw 4 packs onto a mule and then shared the rest of the weight between us for the hike uphill. It went fast. I think we finished in about 4 hours. It was not the most fun hike, but not the hardest hike I've ever done either. We were glad to be done though. After we all had lunch at the lodge then sped all the way to Las Vegas for showers. Well I was definitely interested in the shower, not sure about everyone else. I think food and fun were a big motivation. Haha. When we got clean and unpacked we all had dinner at the Buffet in the Bellagio. YUM. It's crazy how much you can get done in a day. Highlights: Pushing each other up the canyon with one finger, showering and moisturizing, and macaroons.

Day 8 was Diego's corn beef hash breakfast and then a drive back to LA. When we got to Jesse's his parents made us lunch. There's nothing like a homemade meal and it made me happy to know I was going to Houston the next day. Afterwards we braved the traffic to Santa Monica and then hung out and had dinner until traffic subsided. 

Overall highlights: Friends you only see once a year but you can pick up where you left off easily and peanut butter on a spoon. 

Change

75% of people in the U.S. hate their job.

Ok so this statistic was based on a population of 8 people from a party last night, but seriously how many people do you know that can say they love their job? Some people may be in between, which is better than hating your job, but honestly I can only think of one or two people in my life who can honestly say, "I've found my calling."

Finding what you were meant for takes a lot of work. You have to spend time and money searching, trying, and experiencing life. You have to get to know yourself and what you care about. You have to change. Rip the band aid off, jump off the cliff, and do what is hard. Success doesn't come to those who sit comfortably. Successful people have suffered and sacrificed. Truth. You can't have it all. At least not right away.

Remain steadfast, open minded and most of all keep in touch with your friends. Change is hard, but change is good.

Enseñando y escribiendo

Last night I was teaching yoga and three older Latin ladies walked into class. They were little and seemed nice and they planted their mats in a row like best friends. It was great, but it soon became obvious that they spoke very little English. They weren´t following my cues and often looked at me to see what I was doing. One of them seemed to follow better and so she was kind of the relay point between me and the other two. I had started about 30 minutes prior to their arrival because we had changed the class time a few months ago. I had never seen them before so I think they were still used to the old time. Anyway there was no way I would be able to start using Spanish. I´ve hardly begun to grasp the tenses let alone translate yoga cues into Spanish after I had been teaching for 30 minutes. But it really made me want to work on becoming fluent. Knowing another language opens you up to so much more. If I could I would learn them all.

But alas, I can only learn one at a time. So now I´ve promised myself that I will be translating my blog posts to Spanish as best I can just for my own benefit. If you see a mistake please let me know! Don´t worry if you don´t know Spanish there will be no difference in content compared to the English version. But if you feel the need, there is always google translate.

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Anoche estaba enseñando yoga cuando tres mayores mujeres llegaron a mi clase. Ellas pusieron sus tapetitos de yoga en una línea como amigas mejores. Que linda, pero fue muy obvio que ellas no hablan inglés. Ellas no me comprendían y miraban a mi mucho. Quise que usar español pero llegaron treinta minutos tarde y usando español habría muy difícil. No fue posible. Después de les encontré, yo quise hablar con fluido. En lo sucesivo, yo voy a traducir mis notas para practicar español. Sabiendo otro idioma te das muchas oportunidades. Sí es posible, yo aprenderá todos los idiomas. Entonces, Este es mi primer nota en español!

Emotionless

I can be pretty emotionless. I remember last year my brother came to LA to visit me and my co-worker asked if I was excited. I was, but I kind of replied with a shrug and a ¨yea sure¨. It´s because I spent a lot of my life holding back my emotions. Stuffing down anger, frustration, and anxiety was the norm because I lived with a particularly difficult person. Expressing my emotions was always fruitless and worsened the situations so I had to practice being the bigger person which meant holding my tongue and changing anger into calm in order to manage the situation. I got good at both. Too good. As a result I´m not good at expressing myself and in time the pressure builds and well you can imagine the end game sometimes.

I use the skill almost daily in a lot of situations like work, volunteering, etc. It´s not like I´m a robot or really hate the way I´ve become. But I have been doing it too often and too automatically. I don´t take the time to feel out my emotions and let them out. I just push them down and move on. Part of the reason is because I was working in a complexly frustrating arena and my strategy was to manage my emotions into nothingness.

Actually for the most part I value the skill because there are plenty of situations where anger and frustration won´t help. I used to believe that it was a waste of time to be angry or frustrated. But the other day I was volunteering and this woman who felt like she was my boss (but actually isn´t) was constantly telling me what to do, what to say, and giving me orders. I was infuriated because she was condescending and rigid in the way she wanted things done. But I decided not to pick a fight or say anything because I didn´t think it was worth it. Instead I just pushed it all away and kept a calm face. After I left I felt completely off the rest of the day and I didn´t know why. It´s like walking in a circle over and over again. I knew that woman had made me mad but I wasn´t sure why and how I let it get to me so badly. I didn´t seek anyone to talk to because I didn´t know I should. That´s not something I ever do. But I see now that I should have. Now I see that I need allow myself to feel out my emotions more and to address my anger and frustration.

Usually I turn to exercise, cooking, piano, writing or drawing as an outlet for emotion, but there really is no substitute to ceaseless ranting. My roommate asked me how volunteering had been and even just telling her that this woman was mean felt like a depressurizing. I feel like I´m sort of rediscovering this aspect of life. My adolescence was one big ceaseless rant about anger and frustration. Somehow I came to the conclusion that doing so was not good and stopped completely. Now I am back full circle. I guess this is my second iteration on the subject. I can work on becoming more balanced. Hopefully this time around won´t take 27 years.

Personal Practice

I've been teaching for a few weeks now and have slowly come to realize how much I've forgotten what it's like to be a beginner. I thought since it was only 3 years ago and that I have a "pretty" good memory I would understand, but I don't think I do anymore. It's not a bad thing. I just need to gain this perspective back in a different way so that I can help my students better.

Anyway on days I don't have students I try to run through the sequences that I put together in order to adjust and make them better. In the process I'll incorporate it as a real practice. It has made me realize how much I've grown and advanced as a yogi. It's funny because I didn't really grasp that as I was going through the training.

I'm glad I've gained the skill to really cultivate my own practice. But now my ambitious self is asking, "so what's next?" Sometimes I want it to shut up and be content.

First Teach

Thursday night was my first time teaching a real yoga class. I signed up to teach for free at Heal One World. This non-profit organization works to promote natural and holistic healing through wellness and physical health. They offer free yoga every night of the week as well as nutrition counseling and various other services.

I had one student. Haha. It was great because it was someone who had been doing yoga but still needed to work on basic technique. I got there 30 mins early so I had time to work on my sequence. It was also my first time doing yoga on my own. I prefer a classroom environment to motivate me through the harder poses but I guess I should accept that I'm capable enough to do my own practice now. That's what I've trained for right?

Anyway I'm glad I taught. It was the first time I really put myself out of my comfort zone in a long while. The fear and anxiety were pretty unfamiliar.

I need to do more fearful things.

Lance

You only need to say Lance and my brain automatically thinks of Lance Armstrong. His wins took place before I started to love cycling, but I watched his come-back in 2009 and 2010. He was a contender. Drugs or no drugs that man is an athlete.

Betrayed is how many people feel. They were lied to repeatedly and their loyalty was shit on. Me? I feel like people should embrace the imperfection. I think that we are finally seeing the truth that lies behind most cyclists. Every year multiple professionals are caught doping and many titles have been stripped, not just Lance's. We are focused on Lance because he is one of the few Americans to have made it in the sport and because he won so many times. But if you look around you many of the GC men have been found guilty of doping at one point in their career and have come back to cycling: Contador, Basso, Vinokourov, Leipheimer, Andreu, Di Luca, and Frank Schleck to name a few. Even the legendary Eddy Merckx tested positive for illegal substances. Take a look for yourself. When you're caught you receive a ban which is usually 2 years. Just 2 years (not life) because USADA recognizes the fact that people can change and come back clean.

Should USADA hold to the life time ban? I don't think so. I don't think he's the only one to blame for the events and there are certainly some controversies within USADA not addressed.

Doping has been a prominent part of cycling since the beginning of the Tour de France and it will continue to plague the sport. I think that as fans we can only know that it is there and watch cautiously and without judgement.

I also think we are seeing what is true for every man. Vices, demons, mistakes, flaws; whatever you call them we are all carrying wrongs against another person, group, organization, etc. I definitely have my share of lies, mean words, purposeful neglect, and selfishness. I think America does a good job of creating false heroes and unrealistic ideals. America could do a better job of embracing mistakes and realizing unhappy endings. Right now Lance is a prime example of the fact that unhappy endings are real. We make wrong choices without thinking them wrong and they have consequences. He is facing his demons and his shame just like the rest of us.

Relationships

I'm home for 2 weeks. It's been 5 days and already I feel more "complete". There's nothing like being around people that have known you for a long time. The relationship you unknowingly worked on through the years pays off when you renew it year after year. This is what it is like to be an adult. Your life is your own and relationships become work instead of a natural day to day action.

When I moved to LA it was in kind of  haste to move on with my career. I got there, focused on my work for 6 months and made little effort to pursue hobbies and make friends. When I couldn't take it any more I joined Bikerowave and my world opened up quickly. I started hanging out more with friends of friends, cousins and work friends. Half the world doesn't know what they want to do with their life, so they get stuck doing something unfulfilling. I always wondered how they found balance or motivation to keep doing what they do. The answer? Friends. Be friends a distraction or support, they help you get through your stressful day. They provide perspective, laughs, and a mental get away. Since being more on my own in LA I've realized that I think more about myself because I'm used to being alone and having to worry about myself. Felt selfish. The past few months my life had become so routine, so set up. Every day had a set amount of chores or events. But being in Houston, having to consider others in my life now, waiting on them, taking care of them. The last 5 days have gone by so fast. 

Anyway my point is that I've been trying to work on so many things in the past year: cycling, yoga, Spanish, career, drawing, and cooking. I felt like gaining skills was something I really needed to do, but now I see that I have neglected the relationships. I need to include more people in my life. People and the relationships you create are what make you feel alive. They vary your days. They make you feel angry, sad, happy, content. They make you feel. They need your help and you need theirs. 

This year I'm going to work on my relationships.
Happy New Year friends.