Life Update

These past 3 days I didn't have any teacher training sessions. Fortunately it was the same weekend as Thanksgiving so I had plenty of events to fill my time. It was a slew of hanging out with friends, family, and eating. So much eating. I definitely broke the vege code more than a few times and I'm surprised I don't feel more bloated than I do right now. I was also able to get some new clothes and such from the holiday sales.

But the yoga hiatus was much needed. I am not a person that can do something so often voluntarily. As much as I love cycling I usually take a few months off per year because I'm sick of doing it once or twice a week. Also I usually like to explore various teachers to keep my yoga intellectually stimulating, but I'm finding that it's harder to focus in Ally and Charlie's classes because I'm so used to their cues and nuances now. I can predict what I will hear and zone out for a few seconds here and there. Not good for my practice.

Anyway this Saturday is an Ashtanga practice which should be fun and then only three more weeks of yoga left. Three more weeks. Change is good.

Reincarnation?

The other day in class James Bailey came to teach us about yoga philosophy. Part of the discussion turned to reincarnation. The idea is that your soul is an energy that moves onto the next life when your body passes. Your memories are not part of that energy, so they don't move with you but at the same time you carry with you a "wisdom", experience, and karma into the next life. I'm not sure how much of it I believe in, but it's interesting to think about.

It might explain why when you meet someone new, you feel as if you've known each other for a long time. It might explain dejavu and immature or mature personalities. If this is the case then I'm pretty sure I have an old soul. If you think about dating with this perspective then it's not about dating some your age, but dating someone whose soul is your soul's age. Right? So then it would pay off to be really aware and connected to yourself.

The idea is that as you pass through lives you should look for enlightenment. I think I believe it to some extent. I feel like as you grow older you naturally grow wiser. It may take one soul 1000 years and another soul 100 years. Either way they will supposedly find their way to enlightenment because I believe that there is only one answer to being enlightened: selflessness, inner contentment, and understanding. This might also explain why I have always had this urge to save the world. I don't know where it came from, but it has always been with me and I have always been aware of it. I've found that it's not a natural feeling for a majority of people. I've always had a good self awareness that others don't seem to have. Maybe I developed it in a past life. Maybe talent is something that you developed in a previous life. This could explain idiot savants or child prodigies. Then again the body you are born into is not of your choice. That might be random. Who knows?

I guess the point is that you can't know. You can only have faith in it. So what's the point of pushing these ideas on others? I think we should just let everyone figure it out for themselves and stop wasting energy trying to persuade someone to believe something you can't prove.

100th Post

One hundred posts ago I started writing about getting healthy. Exercising, eating right, and above all mental health. Since then I have studied nutrition (on my own and through school), become mostly vegetarian, cycled 4000 miles (more or less), run 5ks, 10ks, half marathons, and a marathon. I've tried I don't know how many sports: capoiera, swimming, snowboarding, hip hop, modern dance, swing, salsa, aerial, pole, etc. I'm going to be a yoga teacher.

Beyond the physical, I think I've become mentally stable. I used to walk into classes feeling self conscious and shy; I would worry more about what others thought of me than how I was doing. I would always compare myself to the better people. Today it doesn't matter how good or bad I am because I've fully realized that it doesn't matter. I'm focused on doing what I can do in that moment, good or bad. No one actually cares how bad I look. I am my worst critic, so why should I keep beating myself up. I've accepted that it's okay to not progress sometimes. I've accepted that I will want to stop doing something I love, but I can come back to it later with just as much love. Most of all I've stopped feeling like I should be the best. Learning to let go of all the negativity in my mind has been the healthiest thing I've ever done. 

It's hard to imagine the old me, but refreshing to realize that I've accomplished a good deal in the last four years. I'm glad I'm here, and I hope it only keeps getting better. 

First Crash

Yea. I crashed. Like a serious jarring downfall. This isn't like I just stopped and fell or slid and fell. I was going at probably 16 mph, we started going downhill and I hit a crack in the road, one that only fits 700c x 23 road tires and then lots happened to where I felt like I was flipping and falling. I would describe it like catching your edge on your snowboard and tumbling. Not just falling on your ass, but you do a roll or two and get disoriented. I was on the ground for about a minute or two thinking "Oh Sh!t I broke something." and not wanting to move. When I finally got my self together I felt OK except for a giant pain in my chin, but I looked left and suddenly realized that my friend was on the ground too. But she wasn't moving. That "Oh Sh!t" was worse.

I called 911 and she started to come to. We got her out of the road and it took her about 15 minutes before she remembered crashing. She refused to go to the ER, but the ambulance gave us a ride to the nearest train and she arranged with a friend to drive us home. After a shower, some water, ibuprofen, and the 5th Element she felt better and we felt like her brain was out of the danger zone. I still gave her a call a few hours later to make sure she was really OK. She was. =)

Luckily her bike was unscathed. Mine however, did not fare so well. Both shifters are out of alignment, stem and bars are too. I need new tape and my bars are scratched. My brake shifter is broke but still works. I think duct tape will be the solution for now. I think my rear wheel is out of tru but I haven't assessed. Everything else seems fine. I need to do a crack inspection too. =(

I have various cuts and bruises all of which are making my shower experience not fun. My sun sleeves are done, but luckily my clothes and phone were saved from damage. 

The group we were riding with was great. They were super helpful and supportive while we were deciding what to do with ourselves. I'm glad my first crash didn't lead to the hospital. Two visits in two months would have been horrible. 

All the Sides of Yoga

In class we are working more towards defining the different sides of Yoga. Asana is the sanskrit word for poses and postures. Pranayama is the breath. These two pillars of yoga form the modern yoga we see in most studios. Technically there are 8 pillars. The others are Yama or ethical discipline, Niyama or individual discipline, Pratyahara or withdrawl of the senses, Dharana or concentration, Dhyana or meditation, and Samadhi or enlightenment. In the path of Yoga you start with Yama and build your practice upon each pillar sequentially with Asana and Pranayama coming after Niyama. As you build upon each pillar, the others strengthen as a result.

In my case I learned and practiced the social and individual ethics and morals already. I had kind of reached a plateau and tabled my spiritual practice. When I started doing yoga I didn't feel more spiritual per say, but it helped me work on related disciplines like self awareness and focus. Most of all it helped me let go of my inner critic. I mean she still pops up ever now and then. I can't help it, but the voice is quieter and less frequent. Letting go of self criticisms helped me stay true to myself. If you don't judge yourself then you also worry less about what others think of you. As a result you can really learn about yourself and figure out what you need. 

That's what I really love about yoga. Each person is urged to focus on their own path. There isn't a collective group moving together but instead individuals who share the same ideals but walk their own paths. There is no judgement but mostly understanding and respect because everyone is unique. 

For me, being able to let go of judgement has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. Growing up in a world full of comparing, judging and high expectations was wildly stressful and unhappy. Today I hardly think about it because I just let it go. It was what it was, but today is today. My past does not weigh me down and I walk forward each day. 

With this personal movement I think I'll naturally move onto the next pillars (concentration and meditation). Not really because I want to reach enlightenment but because I want to find focus and peacefulness without having to perform the physical practice of yoga. Yoga is very much a positive escape or mini vacation from the pressures of the world. If I can do it in my own room I will be happier. 

Do I believe in enlightenment? I don't know. To me it sounds too idealistic. I don't want to be so drawn within myself that I am shutting out the rest of the world. There is too much going on for me to want to become secluded. I think that is almost selfish. It would be such a waste if I decided to become a monk or yogi and only work on my path to enlightenment 24/7. 

Besides I don't think I will ever reach a point where I am so perfect or free of fault. I will always make mistakes, and I will always be connected to my emotions. I am only human.