First Teach

Thursday night was my first time teaching a real yoga class. I signed up to teach for free at Heal One World. This non-profit organization works to promote natural and holistic healing through wellness and physical health. They offer free yoga every night of the week as well as nutrition counseling and various other services.

I had one student. Haha. It was great because it was someone who had been doing yoga but still needed to work on basic technique. I got there 30 mins early so I had time to work on my sequence. It was also my first time doing yoga on my own. I prefer a classroom environment to motivate me through the harder poses but I guess I should accept that I'm capable enough to do my own practice now. That's what I've trained for right?

Anyway I'm glad I taught. It was the first time I really put myself out of my comfort zone in a long while. The fear and anxiety were pretty unfamiliar.

I need to do more fearful things.

Lance

You only need to say Lance and my brain automatically thinks of Lance Armstrong. His wins took place before I started to love cycling, but I watched his come-back in 2009 and 2010. He was a contender. Drugs or no drugs that man is an athlete.

Betrayed is how many people feel. They were lied to repeatedly and their loyalty was shit on. Me? I feel like people should embrace the imperfection. I think that we are finally seeing the truth that lies behind most cyclists. Every year multiple professionals are caught doping and many titles have been stripped, not just Lance's. We are focused on Lance because he is one of the few Americans to have made it in the sport and because he won so many times. But if you look around you many of the GC men have been found guilty of doping at one point in their career and have come back to cycling: Contador, Basso, Vinokourov, Leipheimer, Andreu, Di Luca, and Frank Schleck to name a few. Even the legendary Eddy Merckx tested positive for illegal substances. Take a look for yourself. When you're caught you receive a ban which is usually 2 years. Just 2 years (not life) because USADA recognizes the fact that people can change and come back clean.

Should USADA hold to the life time ban? I don't think so. I don't think he's the only one to blame for the events and there are certainly some controversies within USADA not addressed.

Doping has been a prominent part of cycling since the beginning of the Tour de France and it will continue to plague the sport. I think that as fans we can only know that it is there and watch cautiously and without judgement.

I also think we are seeing what is true for every man. Vices, demons, mistakes, flaws; whatever you call them we are all carrying wrongs against another person, group, organization, etc. I definitely have my share of lies, mean words, purposeful neglect, and selfishness. I think America does a good job of creating false heroes and unrealistic ideals. America could do a better job of embracing mistakes and realizing unhappy endings. Right now Lance is a prime example of the fact that unhappy endings are real. We make wrong choices without thinking them wrong and they have consequences. He is facing his demons and his shame just like the rest of us.

Relationships

I'm home for 2 weeks. It's been 5 days and already I feel more "complete". There's nothing like being around people that have known you for a long time. The relationship you unknowingly worked on through the years pays off when you renew it year after year. This is what it is like to be an adult. Your life is your own and relationships become work instead of a natural day to day action.

When I moved to LA it was in kind of  haste to move on with my career. I got there, focused on my work for 6 months and made little effort to pursue hobbies and make friends. When I couldn't take it any more I joined Bikerowave and my world opened up quickly. I started hanging out more with friends of friends, cousins and work friends. Half the world doesn't know what they want to do with their life, so they get stuck doing something unfulfilling. I always wondered how they found balance or motivation to keep doing what they do. The answer? Friends. Be friends a distraction or support, they help you get through your stressful day. They provide perspective, laughs, and a mental get away. Since being more on my own in LA I've realized that I think more about myself because I'm used to being alone and having to worry about myself. Felt selfish. The past few months my life had become so routine, so set up. Every day had a set amount of chores or events. But being in Houston, having to consider others in my life now, waiting on them, taking care of them. The last 5 days have gone by so fast. 

Anyway my point is that I've been trying to work on so many things in the past year: cycling, yoga, Spanish, career, drawing, and cooking. I felt like gaining skills was something I really needed to do, but now I see that I have neglected the relationships. I need to include more people in my life. People and the relationships you create are what make you feel alive. They vary your days. They make you feel angry, sad, happy, content. They make you feel. They need your help and you need theirs. 

This year I'm going to work on my relationships.
Happy New Year friends.